35 Hilarious Voicemail Greetings to Keep Your Callers Entertained

We all have those moments when we can’t answer our phones, but why let the dreaded beep be the only thing our callers hear? Ditch the generic voicemail greeting and let’s have some fun! Our users have generously shared their all-time favorite greetings to bring a smile, chuckle, or even outright laughter to anyone who gives you a ring. Here are all of them, for your entertainment (and inspiration):

1. The Texter: “No one answers phone calls anymore; send me a text.”
2. Suspicious Owner: “Who is this?! How did you get this number?!”
3. Mid-Run Crisis: “Hi! It’s [Your Name Here]! Let’s Meet Up! I’m Close!!!” (make running sounds then cut off).
4. Blunt Honesty: “Hello, if you’re hearing this, that means I’m probably trying to avoid you. So, don’t leave a message.”
5. Playing Hard To Get: “Hello? … Yea … Uh huh … No, you stop yelling at me … (Beep)”
6. Skeptical Homeowner: “Hi, you have reached [Name]’s voicemail. If you want money or to sell something, we probably don’t want it.”
7. Cinema Inspiration: “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what you want. Leave it in a message.”
8. Hide and Seek Champion: “Hey! It’s [YOUR NAME HERE]. My phone and I are playing hide and seek…and it’s winning.”
9. Classic Joke: “Hey! Its ____. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Not me!”
10. Impatient Listener: “Hello? You’re still talking!? Shut up! BEEP.”
11. Alternative Institution: “Thank you for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital. If you are delusional, press 2 for the Mothership.”
12. Selective Reception: “You have reached the voice mailbox of [your name]. If you’re hot or a friend, leave a message.”
13. Selective Importance: “I’m waiting for more important people to call. If you’re “important”, I’ll think about calling back.”
14. Unexpected Pause: “(Very long pause) Wait! Don’t hang up! I want to hear what you have to say.”
15. Bill Strategy: “Hi…You have reached [name]. If you’re a bill collector, send me an envelope for my latest bills.”
16. Temporarily Unavailable: “The number you have reached is currently not in service, but it will be when I wake up!”
17. Interactive Menu: “This is the voicemail box of [name]. If you are family/friends, press 1. If you are offering a job, press 2.”
18. Divine Reception: “This is the voicemail box of The Goddess. Bow down and leave your message.”
19. Casual Catch-up: “Hey, I was just getting ready to call you. When I call back, let me know what you were up to!”
20. Identity Crisis: “Hey… Who is this? Who…oh, I hate you. You are the worst!”
21. Gotcha: “Hello……. haha, tricked ya! Leave a message at the tone.”
22. Three Don’ts: “Hey, It’s _____. Don’t leave a message. Don’t call back. Don’t expect a call back.”
23. Therapy First: “Hi… My therapist wants me to find myself more than mess with a cell phone. Leave a message.”
24. Cold Rejection: “Hello, you have reached _____. YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED. Thank you.”
25. Pretend Game: “I might be pretending to be the voicemail. Or a sofa cushion. Leave a message either way.”
26. Elusive Caller: “Hey this is _____! Maybe I’m trapped under something heavy. Leave a message.”
27. Short and Direct: “Hello? Oh wait, I can’t hear you… because I’m not here! Leave a message.”
28. Debt Management: “Hi…Leave your name and number, and if you’re a bill collector, I have some bills for you!”
29. Clever Diversion: “Hey, oh my god, I was just thinking of you. Let’s chat when I call back.”
30. Honest Opinion: “Hey, this is _____. Here’s something to keep in mind next time you call: it’s probably not gonna happen.”
31. Prolonged Pause: “(Very long pause) You waited this long? Cool! Leave a message.”
32. Blunt Pretender: “Maybe I picked up, but I’m pretending to be the voicemail. Sorry, I can’t hear you!”
33. Short Stories: “Hi, this is _____. My phone and I are currently in a complicated relationship. Leave a message.”
34. Make It Quick: “Hey, before you leave that message, know that I hate long messages. Make it short!”
35. Cushion Pretender: “I’m currently pretending to be a sofa cushion, but leave a message and maybe I’ll revert to human form to call you back.”

Well, there you have it! 35 hilarious voicemail greetings. Whether you want to keep it short, funny, or downright confusing, there’s something here for everyone. Just remember: choose wisely based on who might be calling! Keep it light, keep it fun, and keep those callers entertained. Happy voicemailing!